I'm sure I don't have to tell you, there are lots and lots of great ways to avoid working on the things that you don't want to work on. But there's one you might not be aware of if you don't subscribe to Minor Tweaks: Amazon Reviews.

Amazon Reviews started back in February. The reviews are always great fun to read. This time I even gave writing one a shot. It's clear that I have a long way to go before I can consider my book reviewing skills honed, but with my newfound dedication to work avoidance, I feel up for the challenge! What about you? Are you up for it?

Things I would not expect to find in formal reports submitted by graduate students, but have nonetheless found:

• Spelling errors
• Typos
• "really cool"
• "pretty cool"
• "awesome idea"
• (My personal favorite): "LOL! Anyway"

Am I just getting old?

UPDATE:

• "torture factor"

Many years ago, back when I lived in Austin, I was hit by a drunk driver who made a sudden u-turn on the one-way street on which we were both traveling in order to retrieve the cowboy hat which the wind had stolen from the head of his passenger (who just so happened to be sitting where the window would be had it been rolled up). Ever since then, I've been convinced that I had the BEST automobile accident tale bar none. Alas, it seems that it is time to pass the torch to an individual in China:

BEIJING - A woman in Hohhot, the capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday.

No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.

The woman, identified only be her surname, Li, said her dog "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive," according to Xinhua.

"She thought she would let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake," the report said. "They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car."

Xinhua did not say what kind of dog or vehicles were involved but Li paid for repairs.

Via Yahoo News.

I've never been a huge fan of how Yahoo implemented its blog search. Placing blog results in the right-hand side -- a section of the page we've all grown accustomed to ignoring because it contains ads -- in effect relegates them to ugly-stepchild status (or, if you prefer, dwarf planet status). But at least the results were there somewhere; now they are gone.

I noticed this yesterday, but got sidetracked by other things. Now that I'm catching up on my feeds, I see that I'm not the only one who noticed: It reached the top of techmeme.

Steve Rubel suggests that Yahoo's blog search isn't actually dead:

To me this is a sure sign that Yahoo is gearing up to launch an integrated feed reader/search engine the way Ask.com/Bloglines did in June. This is the second piece of evidence in the puzzle. In July I noticed a referral link in my server logs from "reader.yrank.feeds.yahoo.com."

I may have found another piece of evidence: You can access many of the various Yahoo search tools through the URL <toolname>.search.yahoo.com. For example:

• Image search: http://images.search.yahoo.com
• Video search: http://video.search.yahoo.com
• Audio search: http://audio.search.yahoo.com
• News search: http://news.search.yahoo.com

Anytime this is not the case, you do not get redirected; instead you get a good ol' fashioned Server Not Found error, like the one that results when you try http://local.search.yahoo.com. However, if you try http://blog.search.yahoo.com, you DO get redirected (to the Advanced Web Search page).

I think Steve's right, and I'm glad. It will be nice to have a true blog search at Yahoo.

A president is a leader who:

• realizes his position revolves around we the people; not the other way around
• has gravitas
• "clears the neighborhood" of individual differences through diplomacy and compromise

Based on this definition, we'd downgrade King George's status to "minor annoyance" and find an actual president.

Too bad politics isn't science....

A few months ago, I chose Qwest as my long-distance provider because they were the one company that chose to take a stand against the NSA's warrantless spying. Thus I am dismayed to learn that they are now calling for mandatory data retention laws:

Jennifer Mardosz, Qwest's corporate counsel and chief privacy officer, applauded efforts by politicians to force broadband providers to engage in so-called "data retention," which Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said will aid in investigations into terrorism and child exploitation. This appears to be the first time a broadband provider has called for data retention laws.

[...]

Qwest's enthusiastic endorsement of mandatory data retention could make it politically easier for members of Congress to enact new laws even if other companies remain staunchly opposed.

Great.... And what measures will be taken to ensure that our private data remain secure, only to be accessed when authorized by the appropriate legal authority based on probable cause? Or is that irrelevant?

This just in from the Thank Goodness I Was Not Born Back THEN Department of Grain of Salt:

I came across this gem a number of years ago at work. It was one of those things that someone acquired, put on a shelf, and forgot about for 20+ years. It is so hilarious (and/or historical and/or sad) that I simply had to have it. Then I promptly put it on my shelf and forgot about it until a lost CD led to some office scouring this afternoon. It seems such a shame to let the wisdom of this worthy tome go unheard. Therefore, I've decided to share it with you -- but only in small chunks since we, the members of the "fairer sex," find it so gosh darn difficult to understand complicated, manly affairs. Barbie wasn't kidding: This stuff IS hard; let's go shopping!

With no further ado, from the inside front cover:

You read something and don't understand it - a newspaper article, a recipe for biscuits, assembly instructions for a toy... You feel inadequate.

Yeah! Stupid biscuit recipe. I don't even like biscuits.

Don't. The instructions are at fault - not you.

They ARE? Well, gee, maybe I could give biscuits another try... and if that works out alright... Hey! Maybe I WILL read a newspaper!

Wait, JD, take it easy: First tackle biscuits, then see if you're up for reading. You don't want to take on too much, now do you?

A thing only seems complicated because you were never properly shown how to use it, how to fix it.

(eyes flour and water suspiciously)

But a thing becomes simple and friendly when you have the right words and pictures to tell you about it.

At Xyzyx we apply scientific techniques to help you do things you never thought you could do.

Stay tuned for further installments of H.E.L.P. here at Grain of Salt to learn what these amazing feats are!

In developing these techniques, we first studied what kinds of things bother you.

You mean, being treated like a complete idiot?

We then determined how to get the information from the printed page into your mind... and then from your mind into the right action!

Nope, apparently that's not what they meant....

Thus, the simplicity of this book is no accident. It took us about six years of research...

I'm sure it did as it was no doubt written by men.

Well girls, that's the end of this installment of the Home Emergency Ladies' Pal. Next time we'll learn "how to use this book" -- which makes the inside front cover pale in comparison!

The White Wave folks: "Silk is Soy!"

Dairy industry: Milk is the "nectar of gods"

"I put a milk-filled spoon to Ganesha's mouth and he drank it," exclaimed Akhilesh Shukla, a trader in Lucknow, capital of northern Uttar Pradesh state.

He was among the countless devotees who carried milk in glasses and pitchers to northern Indian temples where Hindus worship Ganesha, the elephant-headed god of good fortune and wisdom; Shiva, the destroyer, and Durga, the goddess of strength.

"It is a miracle," said Sudhir Mishra, a priest at a Shiva temple in Lucknow. He said that at least 10 liters of milk had been offered at his temple on Monday.

Methinks White Wave (and the vegetarian movement) needs a better ad agency....

The DNC didn't just change the 2008 primary and caucus calendar to place Nevada before New Hampshire, they actually imposed new sanctions on candidates:

If a state, any state, violates the rule on timing/the window, presidential candidates will face sanctions if they campaign in that state. Examples of campaigning include: making personal appearances in the state, hiring campaign workers, and buying advertising and so on.

So the candidates cannot visit, speak, or spend money in any state until the "Democratic" National Committee says they can??? That's not very democratic, now is it? I agree with Kathy Sullivan: "To hell with the DNC." I say we move our primary up and call their bluff. Vote First or Die!!

Scott Adams is always entertaining:

The scary part is that every spam message probably works on at least one person. I imagine some guy named Barney in Florida opening his e-mail, seeing the subject line "Re: it see to amiss" and thinking "this must be from one of my friends." Then he opens it, only to be surprised that it's a pitch for penile enlargement pills that also cure baldness and help you pick winning penny stocks.

Now at this point you might expect Barney to wonder why he hasn't seen stories all over the news about this miracle breakthrough drug. But he doesn't wonder. All he knows is that he's poor, bald, and hung like a frozen caterpillar. For the low price of $29.95 he can fix all of that without leaving home. He figures it might be a scam, but can he really take the chance that it's not? So Barney places his order for the miracle pill and wonders why the Nigerian vendor needs his social security number.

Sometimes he's also downright brilliant:

Speaking of social security numbers, I think the government should send spam to all citizens. If someone like Barney tries to buy a miracle pill, the government erases his social security number from their records so he can't vote. It would solve a lot of problems.

Indeed it would! I wonder what Bush's approval rating would be if the Barneys of the world couldn't be polled....

Perhaps I need to rethink my decision to change channels immediately after Keith Olbermann's Countdown ends. Under normal circumstances, I have neither the patience nor the interest to hear what a conservative such as Joe Scarborough has to say, hence my hasty switch to another network at 9:00 PM sharp. But that was before I read this article at the Washington Post:

For 10 minutes, the talk show host grilled his guests about whether "George Bush's mental weakness is damaging America's credibility at home and abroad." For 10 minutes, the caption across the bottom of the television screen read, "IS BUSH AN 'IDIOT'?"

...And his answer to the captioned question was hardly "no." While other presidents have been called stupid, Scarborough said: "I think George Bush is in a league by himself. I don't think he has the intellectual depth as these other people."

[...]

Few have struck a nerve more than Scarborough, who questioned the president's intelligence on his show, "Scarborough Country." He showed a montage of clips of Bush's famously inarticulate verbal miscues and then explored with guests John Fund and Lawrence O'Donnell Jr. whether Bush is smart enough to be president.

While the country does not want a leader wallowing in the weeds, Scarborough concluded on the segment, "we do need a president who, I think, is intellectually curious."

"And that is a big question," Scarborough said, "whether George W. Bush has the intellectual curiousness -- if that's a word -- to continue leading this country over the next couple of years."

In a later telephone interview, Scarborough said he aired the segment because he kept hearing even fellow Republicans questioning Bush's capacity and leadership, particularly in Iraq. Like others, he said, he supported the war but now thinks it is time to find a way to get out. "A lot of conservatives are saying, 'Enough's enough,' " he said. Asked about the reaction to his program, he said, "The White House is not happy about it."

I am SO bummed that I missed that show, but am grateful for the article. Guess I'll have to give Joe a shot....

A while back I blogged about my introduction to mead. It is an acquired taste, but one I find pleasant to have from time to time. Unfortunately, Wine Society apparently cannot be bothered to acquire it for its customers -- I've asked on several occasions with the answer ranging from a vague "maybe" to a look of annoyance. So what is a mead-drinking, Southern New Hampshire dweller to do? Head south of the border to Harrington's in Chelmsford where they not only regularly stock mead but don't seem put out by doing so!

If you're going to give mead a try, might I also suggest you pick up some Kelpie Seaweed Ale:

Prior to the 1850's there were many Scottish coastal ale-houses which brewed their own ales, these ales were made from local malted barley which was grown on fields fertilised with seaweed. This environment gave the barley a very specific flavour which we have recreated by the inclusion of fresh seaweed in the mash tun.

In addition to the seaweed (bladder rack) harvested on the Argyll coast we have used darker malts roasted by ourselves. Kelpie is a rich chocolate ale which has an aroma of fresh seabreeze and a distinctive malty texture.

Like mead, the first sip is rather striking, but then it's quite good. Really. And, if nothing else, it makes for interesting conversation.

At least when it comes to monitors. I just bought a new 20-inch wide-screen Samsung monitor and added it to what was a dual-head system. The only thing more stunning than having a tri-head system is the thought that I ever managed to get anything done with a lousy two monitors! I should have done this a long, long time ago....

I'd post a screen shot, but my current screen real estate (4240 beautiful pixels wide) is simply too big to result in an image that is both small in size and small in bandwidth. So you'll just have to take my word for how cool this is.

It turned out that it wasn't too hard to set this up in Linux either. I had read all sorts of tales regarding the impossibility of a multi-head, multi-card combination, and at first it did seem rather daunting. Perhaps I simply happened to have lucked out with my configuration (desktop system, one dual-head AGP ATI card, one dual-head PCI ATI card). But it was just a matter of obtaining the BusID of the new card, and then I was good to go. How did I get the BusID? I cheated. Just pulled out the AGP card, booted with Ubuntu's live CD, and looked at xorg.conf. While I suppose I should figure out how to obtain BusIDs the "proper" way so that I can deal with on-board hardware (and would appreciate knowing how to do so if you happen to have the answer!), popping the main card out certainly got the job done for my current configuration....

Here, by the way, is my current xorg.conf file for those of you struggling to achieve such a setup. I am posting it because the only way I managed to set up multiple monitors in Linux is by reading other people's xorg.conf files. If I only had access to the docs, I might have given up....

The one problem I am having is that the display goes to pot when I try to get into a virtual console. There's an easy enough work-around for that, however, namely to boot into single-user mode and then log off. X starts up normally and the problem goes away. Hopefully the folks on the Ubuntu forums will have the answer to my question....

UPDATE: /var/log/Xorg.0.log gives you all sorts of helpful information like BusIDs. The virtual console works again too. Perhaps it was just a bug in Edgy....

Well, you and I already knew that. But now it's official!

DETROIT - A federal judge ruled Thursday that the government's warrantless surveillance program is unconstitutional and ordered an immediate halt to it.

U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor in Detroit became the first judge to strike down the National Security Agency's program, which she says violates the rights to free speech and privacy as well as the separation of powers enshrined in the Constitution.

"Plaintiffs have prevailed, and the public interest is clear, in this matter. It is the upholding of our Constitution," Taylor wrote in her 43-page opinion.

Break out the champagne!!!

A while back, someone commented that Sleeman Unibroue might be discontinuing Terrible. I had emailed the company about it and just heard back:

First I would like to apologize for the delay in responding you. Also, allow me to thank you for you interest in Unibroue products.

In response to your inquiry, the rumor you heard is false. We will not discontinue this product! We hope that you will continue to enjoy your favourite!

Cheers!

Chantale Milburn
Sleeman Unibroue Inc.

Excellent news!

At long last the distance education class which I am teaching is coming to a close. It appears I have survived to kvetch for another year -- now being as a good a time as any to start!

As I sit here grading assignments, I'm struck at the complete and utter inability of some folks to read and follow directions. And I don't mean hard, complex directions; I mean a numbered list of very specific items written in fairly simple language. If I gave examples here, the uniqueness of the task would give away my semi-secret identity which I'm trying to preserve. Suffice it to say, there are items like:

1. Be sure to do X
2. Y should be the case
3. In your submission, please tell me what you chose for Z

where X, Y, and Z are each five words or less and immediately and completely understood by my friends and colleagues (I checked because I thought maybe it was me!!). Yet I keep getting projects where X isn't done, Y isn't the case, and Z goes unexplained.

Sometimes I get questions about how to accomplish X and/or make Y the case. So I ask them if they read the content I provided called "How to Accomplish X" and/or "How to Make Y the Case." Half of the time the answer is "No." I kid thee not! The other half of the time the answer is either "Yes, but the answer is not in there" (which infuriates me) or "Yes, but I didn't understand it" (which I can live with). With these folks, I try to get them on the phone and have them read the content to me out loud, forcing them to pause after each sentence. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Have you located the section called "How to Accomplish X"?

Them: Yes.

Me: Please read to me what it says.

Them: In order to accomplish X, you should first do this and that.

Me: Okay, stop reading. Did you do this and that?

Them: No. Should I have done this and that?

Me: What does it say in the content?

Them: That I should do this and that. (long pause) Oh.

Me: Are you comfortable with how to do this and that?

Them: I think so.

Me: Great! So why don't you work on this and that, and then let me know if you have any more questions.

Later on, we have a similar conversation to deal with the second sentence in the content, and so on, and so on. Really. I'd say that I was worried about today's youth, but these are graduate students. Fortunately I have a number of awesome folks in this group who continue to revive my moribund faith in humanity. Without them, I'd have gone postal long ago.

You can lead a student to knowledge, but you cannot make him/her think....

Maison des Futailles' Sortilège: A blend of maple syrup and Canadian whiskey. Not overly sweet and very, very smooth!

With everything going on, it seemed like it was time for a banner change. As with nearly all of my banners, this one is another creation by Janice Brown of Cow Hampshire fame. The dog is her 12 lb white westie, Ladie. (Thanks again, Janice!!!).

If you're wondering why on earth there's someone else's yellow dog on my banner, wander on over to Wikipedia. The entry is currently a mere stub (and implies that I am part of a dying/dead breed!), but you'll still get the gist of it.

It would seem AOL user 2708:

Whoever wrote that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned had clearly never experienced the Internet. For a three-month period, AOL user 2708, apparently a resident of the greater Boston area, was searching for little else.

Her search terms suggest that she signed up her ex-boyfriend for Columbia House CDs, articles on "gay life," and Christian literature--while shopping for women's Harley Davidson boots. User 2708's ex apparently lives in New Hampshire:

• revenge tactics
• the woman's book of revenge
• dirty tricks for chicks
• voice changer
• how to humiliate someone
• bill me pay later for cd's
• scams to play on people
• how to get revenge on an old lover
• i hate my ex boyfriend
• how to really make someone hurt for the pain they caused to someone else
• columbia house
• advice from women who have seeked revenge on old lovers
• makehimsuffer.com
• how to say goodbye hurtfully
• how to report child neglect in the state of new hampshire
• free articles on gay life that can be mailed to me
• free christian things
• free gay magazines
• free angry stuff to send to an ex lover
• how to permanently delete information from your hard drive

What about "how to permanently delete information from AOL's database"? D'oh!

• makehimpay.net
• women's harley davidson boots
• www.match.com

I wonder what her ad says. I'm guessing it's devoid of references to long walks, romance, and puppies...

• the worst thing to send someone via email

Oh, I dunno, perhaps your AOL search history?

• thong dancewear
• locatecell.com
• what can i do to an old lover for revenge
• mean revenge tactics
• death records in hampstead new hampshire

Yikes! Although, in the spirit of trying to see the cup as "half full," I bet user 2708 could cancel her AOL account in under 5 minutes. Heck, I bet she could cancel her potentially dead ex-boyfriend's account without having the answer to his secret question -- which is apparently no easy feat.

An AOL account once held by (Maxine) Gauthier's late father still showed billing charges accumulating against it. The account had been dormant for months; the credit card he used for it was inactive at least as long.

Nevertheless, AOL kept charging $25.90 each month for dial-up online access. Late fees for non-payment accumulated on the credit card, too.

Gauthier even offered to send a copy of her father's obituary as proof he truly was dead. AOL was unmoved.

[...]

Gauthier discovered the continuing dial-up service charge as she was settling her father's estate. She first called to cancel the AOL account last November.

"They told me I didn't have the answer to his 'security question'," a query many shopping Web sites once employed to assure themselves they were talking to the account holder, "so they said 'Thank you' and hung up," Gauthier said.

Next time, Maxine, call 2708 up. She'll get you cancelled in no time. Just ask very, very, very nicely -- and from a safe distance.

First story via Boing Boing; second story via Rich Burridge.

First there was toilet paper for dummies. Now there's soap for dummies too:

Wouldn't it be great if someone could invent a simple, fun way to teach our children to wash their hands?

You bet! I'm still trying to figure out this whole soap and water and hand stuff. I mean, what goes where? And in what order?? *crosses eyes*

SquidSoap works by applying a small ink mark on a person's hand when they press the pump to dispense the soap. The ink is designed to wash off after the hands are washed for about 15-20 seconds, which is the time recommended by most doctors.

Ah yes, but given the fact that most people are visual learners rather than tactile-kinesthetic ones, and given the apparent dimwittedness of today's consumer, will the children grow up to conclude that their hands are clean if they don't see dirt?

SquidSoap is lots of fun for kids, since they love to get marked. It makes handwashing more like a game.

So if your hands don't look dirty and it doesn't amuse you to wash them, don't bother.

Also, the very stretchable squid toy is a blast to play with and will provide hours of entertainment.

Hours of entertainment? If so, our future is looking not only grubby but grim.... I wonder what the next "for dummies (and kids)" product will be.

Via Strange New Products.

The other day, Bill commented:

Just visited your page and would like to know exactly how to opt out of ceip.

Rather than leave the answer buried in the comments, I figured I'd make a new entry for Bill and anyone else who doesn't want Office phoning home with their personal information. Here is a page at Microsoft with the instructions for opting in/out for Office 2007.

If you are using Office 2003, go to the Help menu for the application and select "Customer Feedback Options". In the resulting dialog box, you can opt out. As I recall, you do something different in Outlook 2003. I no longer have that installed, but I found this:

in the case of outlook, if you click on the 'Tools' menu and then click 'Options...' menu item, you can then click on the 'Advanced Options...' button. In the 'advanced options' dialog, click on the button near the bottom labeled 'Service Options...'. In the 'service options' dialog, select the 'Customer Feedback Options' category.

Have a spy-free day!

This just ain't right in New England....

Me: Doc, I have a cough that I cannot seem to get rid of.

Medical professionals: Let the games begin!

• Barium swallow (8/05): That ain't it.
• Chest X-Ray (10/05): Hey look, there's something in her lungs.
• Chest CAT scan (10/05): Yep, something's there alright, and what's that on her liver?
• Abdominal CAT scan (10/05): Gosh, I dunno what that is.
• Abdominal ultrasound (11/05): Hey, maybe it's a.... Nah.... Never mind.
• Liver biopsy (12/05): Wait, let's cancel her at the last minute and run another test. She seems like a girl who likes surprises.
• Tagged scan (12/05): Yep, there's... that ... thing... there.... Whoa, check it out, now she's glowing!
• Liver biopsy - We mean it this time (12/05): Oh.... Hepatic Adenoma! Of course! How silly of us.
• Chest CAT scan (1/06): It's been a whole month. We missed you!
• Chest CAT scan (6/06): That lung thing is still there. Cool, we can zap her again in six months!
• Abdominal CAT scan (6/06): So is that liver thing. Awesome! Double zap!

Medical professionals: Wow, what a fun year of testing! But she's still coughing.... Let's see if she has... oh, I dunno.... asthma.

Me: You mean that condition that causes coughing? That condition with which I was diagnosed 8 years ago?

• Methacholine Challenge (tomorrow)

Wish me luck!

UPDATE: Apparently I missed official asthmadom by 4% (you're supposed to score 20%; I got a 16%).

In the you've got to be kidding me department, the pulmonary specialist says I have a heart murmur and need to be referred for, you guessed it, ANOTHER test. I am starting to suspect that St. Joe's is relying upon me as their sole source of funding....

UPDATE 2: They re-declared me asthmatic and put me on Asmanex -- the inhaler recommended to me not by any doctor, but rather by Orca project lead Will Walker. And, ya know, I'm now coughing a lot less. Finally! What have we learned from this experience, boys and girls? That the best source of medical advice comes not from doctors, but from software developers.