Taken one month (almost to the day) before the start of what we may come to think of as the "Great Depression - Take 2":

Note to self: In the future, when giant red warning signs present themselves, don't laugh; pay attention.

There are oh so many things. How many can you find?

Those of you who can find several, please also find the opportunity to remind the "average users" in your life to think before they click.

• Hello Kitty Online (via Webware)
• Why Dogs Bite People (via Rich)
• Death by Frozen Poop

Seen the other day while waiting for the T in Boston. Note that the (admittedly blurry) "MGH" that appears in between the two signs stands for Massachusetts General Hospital.

Surely this was no accident....

... It's transparent. And if you act now, you can have it for the low, low introductory price of just $1459.95! (Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery).

No, really, you can. It's at Hammacher Schlemmer.

Extremely cool or extremely disconcerting? Hard to say without a "test drive." Way too invisible-jet-like? Absolutely!

Many years ago, back when I lived in Austin, I was hit by a drunk driver who made a sudden u-turn on the one-way street on which we were both traveling in order to retrieve the cowboy hat which the wind had stolen from the head of his passenger (who just so happened to be sitting where the window would be had it been rolled up). Ever since then, I've been convinced that I had the BEST automobile accident tale bar none. Alas, it seems that it is time to pass the torch to an individual in China:

BEIJING - A woman in Hohhot, the capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday.

No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.

The woman, identified only be her surname, Li, said her dog "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive," according to Xinhua.

"She thought she would let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake," the report said. "They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car."

Xinhua did not say what kind of dog or vehicles were involved but Li paid for repairs.

Via Yahoo News.

The White Wave folks: "Silk is Soy!"

Dairy industry: Milk is the "nectar of gods"

"I put a milk-filled spoon to Ganesha's mouth and he drank it," exclaimed Akhilesh Shukla, a trader in Lucknow, capital of northern Uttar Pradesh state.

He was among the countless devotees who carried milk in glasses and pitchers to northern Indian temples where Hindus worship Ganesha, the elephant-headed god of good fortune and wisdom; Shiva, the destroyer, and Durga, the goddess of strength.

"It is a miracle," said Sudhir Mishra, a priest at a Shiva temple in Lucknow. He said that at least 10 liters of milk had been offered at his temple on Monday.

Methinks White Wave (and the vegetarian movement) needs a better ad agency....

Scott Adams is always entertaining:

The scary part is that every spam message probably works on at least one person. I imagine some guy named Barney in Florida opening his e-mail, seeing the subject line "Re: it see to amiss" and thinking "this must be from one of my friends." Then he opens it, only to be surprised that it's a pitch for penile enlargement pills that also cure baldness and help you pick winning penny stocks.

Now at this point you might expect Barney to wonder why he hasn't seen stories all over the news about this miracle breakthrough drug. But he doesn't wonder. All he knows is that he's poor, bald, and hung like a frozen caterpillar. For the low price of $29.95 he can fix all of that without leaving home. He figures it might be a scam, but can he really take the chance that it's not? So Barney places his order for the miracle pill and wonders why the Nigerian vendor needs his social security number.

Sometimes he's also downright brilliant:

Speaking of social security numbers, I think the government should send spam to all citizens. If someone like Barney tries to buy a miracle pill, the government erases his social security number from their records so he can't vote. It would solve a lot of problems.

Indeed it would! I wonder what Bush's approval rating would be if the Barneys of the world couldn't be polled....

It would seem AOL user 2708:

Whoever wrote that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned had clearly never experienced the Internet. For a three-month period, AOL user 2708, apparently a resident of the greater Boston area, was searching for little else.

Her search terms suggest that she signed up her ex-boyfriend for Columbia House CDs, articles on "gay life," and Christian literature--while shopping for women's Harley Davidson boots. User 2708's ex apparently lives in New Hampshire:

• revenge tactics
• the woman's book of revenge
• dirty tricks for chicks
• voice changer
• how to humiliate someone
• bill me pay later for cd's
• scams to play on people
• how to get revenge on an old lover
• i hate my ex boyfriend
• how to really make someone hurt for the pain they caused to someone else
• columbia house
• advice from women who have seeked revenge on old lovers
• makehimsuffer.com
• how to say goodbye hurtfully
• how to report child neglect in the state of new hampshire
• free articles on gay life that can be mailed to me
• free christian things
• free gay magazines
• free angry stuff to send to an ex lover
• how to permanently delete information from your hard drive

What about "how to permanently delete information from AOL's database"? D'oh!

• makehimpay.net
• women's harley davidson boots
• www.match.com

I wonder what her ad says. I'm guessing it's devoid of references to long walks, romance, and puppies...

• the worst thing to send someone via email

Oh, I dunno, perhaps your AOL search history?

• thong dancewear
• locatecell.com
• what can i do to an old lover for revenge
• mean revenge tactics
• death records in hampstead new hampshire

Yikes! Although, in the spirit of trying to see the cup as "half full," I bet user 2708 could cancel her AOL account in under 5 minutes. Heck, I bet she could cancel her potentially dead ex-boyfriend's account without having the answer to his secret question -- which is apparently no easy feat.

An AOL account once held by (Maxine) Gauthier's late father still showed billing charges accumulating against it. The account had been dormant for months; the credit card he used for it was inactive at least as long.

Nevertheless, AOL kept charging $25.90 each month for dial-up online access. Late fees for non-payment accumulated on the credit card, too.

Gauthier even offered to send a copy of her father's obituary as proof he truly was dead. AOL was unmoved.

[...]

Gauthier discovered the continuing dial-up service charge as she was settling her father's estate. She first called to cancel the AOL account last November.

"They told me I didn't have the answer to his 'security question'," a query many shopping Web sites once employed to assure themselves they were talking to the account holder, "so they said 'Thank you' and hung up," Gauthier said.

Next time, Maxine, call 2708 up. She'll get you cancelled in no time. Just ask very, very, very nicely -- and from a safe distance.

First story via Boing Boing; second story via Rich Burridge.

First there was toilet paper for dummies. Now there's soap for dummies too:

Wouldn't it be great if someone could invent a simple, fun way to teach our children to wash their hands?

You bet! I'm still trying to figure out this whole soap and water and hand stuff. I mean, what goes where? And in what order?? *crosses eyes*

SquidSoap works by applying a small ink mark on a person's hand when they press the pump to dispense the soap. The ink is designed to wash off after the hands are washed for about 15-20 seconds, which is the time recommended by most doctors.

Ah yes, but given the fact that most people are visual learners rather than tactile-kinesthetic ones, and given the apparent dimwittedness of today's consumer, will the children grow up to conclude that their hands are clean if they don't see dirt?

SquidSoap is lots of fun for kids, since they love to get marked. It makes handwashing more like a game.

So if your hands don't look dirty and it doesn't amuse you to wash them, don't bother.

Also, the very stretchable squid toy is a blast to play with and will provide hours of entertainment.

Hours of entertainment? If so, our future is looking not only grubby but grim.... I wonder what the next "for dummies (and kids)" product will be.

Via Strange New Products.